Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"Clothes" Attack

Have you ever noticed that when you really want something, you can't seem to stop seeing it wherever you go? It's like when you get a new car, all you seem to notice is the same-exact-color-model-style- car passing you on the freeway. When I was a singleton, it seemed to me that everyone around me was either engaged or already married. When I finally got married, everyone around me seemed to be pregnant or had already started a family. Now that we have our two beautiful children, everyone around me is pregnant {again} working on #2 or #3. Yes, this has been a gleaming question in my head as my little Ladybug and Bean have been growing like weeds. Are we done having babies?

My mother-in-law had been in town visiting for the past couple of weeks, and on her last day we decided to dig through the clothes bin that was hiding out in Ladybug's closet. We will be getting a new niece in the family and it would be the perfect time to clean house, I thought....And I guess we're done having kids. As she pulled each item out, her movement seemed so fast as if she had four arms moving at one time. Everything else around me seemed to move at a glacial speed, and I couldn't seem to move my eyes as fast as her hands. Memories of holding each girl for the first time ripped through my brain. The first time Bean smiled in her carseat, wearing that tiny yellow and white dress; their “My First” Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/New Year/Valentine onesies, bibs, and hats; Bean's first fancy dress she wore to a wedding and “danced” with her daddy; the preemie-sized blue flowered “blow out” one piece {it never failed to have that reaction with both girls, but it always made us laugh}. All of these visions overcame me and I became so sad. I tried to remind myself that “they are only clothes, material items” and to let them go. I have no use for them anymore and they will do no good unused. I continued to shake my head in agreement that new baby would look adorable in “that” dress and “those” outfits as I continued to part with dear memories. Will I lose those memories I had by not seeing the objects that reminded me of the instance in the first place?

Only hours later, a full bag of baby clothes in tow, we drove away from the airport. Bean immediately started to cry, “I want to go back to California! I want my old house baaaaaaaaack, mama. Please!” Ladybug hollered in response to Bean's cries, trying to calm her sister, it seemed. It was a long 20 minute drive. 5 minutes from home, the car fell silent. Both kids asleep. The car slowly edged up across the driveway and I saw Bean's eyes slowly roll and open in the rearview mirror. She let out a refreshed sigh and was ready for the day. “Can we play now? Can I, can I?”, she said enthusiastically looking out the window. “Sure” I replied, happy that she seemed to be in better spirits. I opened the door, pulled her out of the carseat, and she took off running like a caged animal being freed. She looked so happy. Her hair blowing aimlessly with the strong gusts of wind, her arms flapping like a butterfly, her laughter filled the air making the Ladybug and I smile with delight. “It's a beautiful day!!! I love Grammy and Tampa! I love you, and Addie, and Daddy, and Kody! I love my dress that Grammy gave me!” she sang while running and holding the bottom of her dress as if she were a princess. I looked up from unsnapping the baby from her carseat. I memorized that very moment. That overwhelming feeling of happiness, the gigantic smile on her face, the carefree look in her eyes, the youth, no worries, nothing but love shining through her. A new memory, and a new dress, I will never forget.

No comments: